Six Symptoms of Social Anxiety That Could Be Misinterpreted as "Shyness"

 Because there may be more to a modest dislike of large groups than meets the eye.

It's common to feel anxious or overstimulated in what should be an enjoyable social setting. Some people are shy by nature. It can be challenging to distinguish between those who exhibit symptoms of social anxiety and others who do not.

They might not seem all that different at first, particularly if you're the type of person who finds small talk awkward or who takes some time to get to know new individuals. Although being reserved or introverted might be exhausting in social situations, these personality qualities usually don't ruin your life the way social anxiety, a mental illness, can.

A chronic, overwhelming dread (not simply discomfort) of being judged by others—so strong that it interferes with relationships, job, or education—is the clinical diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. However, therapists also frequently notice and treat more subtle, everyday types.  A psychologist expert based in New York City and the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of your worry, tells SELF that not all worry is clinical. Additionally, depending on the individual, these less severe experiences might be equally upsetting, causing anxiety in everyday situations (such as meeting new people or speaking up in public).

Here are some key indicators of social anxiety versus shyness, along with professional advice on how to handle stressful situations, parties, and public speaking engagements.

You feel like you can't put yourself out there, even though you want to.

According to Psychologist expert, socially anxious people secretly yearn to connect. The fear of rejection or criticism simply paralyzes them.

This could resemble spotting a vibrant, enjoyable group at your college reunion but deciding not to join it. What if you ruin the atmosphere? Or worse, they subsequently mock you in private? Or perhaps you have something significant to say at a staff meeting, but you choose to keep quiet out of fear of coming seen as foolish. Sending a new acquaintance a simple text message like, "Want to hang out?" can be intimidating since you're afraid of coming out as overly attached, awkward, or "too much."

You're communicative and gregarious. but continue to feel cut off from everyone.

Social anxiety is not usually characterized by a person withdrawing into a quiet corner of a bustling nightclub or spending the entire weekend hiding at home. It can occasionally reside in people who are talkative, gregarious, and appear comfortable in any setting.

According to Psychologist expert, a psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and the author of How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, "you can absolutely be a socially anxious extrovert," she tells SELF. But in these situations, that internal conflict stems from a persistent fear that you might not truly belong.

Even if someone accepts every invitation and seems to enjoy being in a group setting, they could nonetheless spend the entire evening worrying about everything they said or wondering in private if their friends really wanted them there.

Your body isn't listening to your pleas to rest.

The physical symptoms of social anxiety frequently appear before your brain can calm you down. SELF is told by Psychologist expert, head of Kent State University's Program for Research on Anxiety Disorders among African Americans (PRADAA).

In addition to the usual mental trap of second-guessing and overanalyzing, your heart may accelerate the moment you see a group of friends laughing without you (are they jokes about me?). As you're preparing for a networking event, your stomach may suddenly turn over and you may get a quick episode of nausea.

Even after the encounter, you are always worried that others are evaluating you.

The severe dread of rejection—and the accompanying constant rumination—is a fundamental characteristic of social anxiety.

According to Psychologist expert, "there's a constant worry that people are judging you." "For being viewed as dull, incompetent, or foolish, or for saying the incorrect thing or dressing badly." These concerns frequently persist long after the event has ended: For example, your mind could continue to repeat the moment you spit out while speaking (They undoubtedly think I'm so gross) or focus on the thing you said (Did I overshare?) even after a genuinely enjoyable dinner date. However, Psychologist expert notes that if you're shy or anxious, you usually wouldn't leave a largely nice event believing that everyone is secretly uncomfortable with you.

The more time you spend there, the less you "warm up."

It's common to first be tense, reserved, or anxious before progressively relaxing after a few talks or after you've gotten to know the group.

But when you have social anxiety, that unease usually lingers, even after you've interacted with others or if you're around people you already know. This is because, according to Psychologist expert, the fear isn't about icebreakers. It's that deep-seated, enduring fear of rejection, embarrassment, or humiliation that doesn't go away with time or familiarity.

You completely miss out on significant opportunities.

We're not simply talking about ignoring a party invitation because you don't know anyone on the guest list or skipping this month's work happy hour.

According to Psychologist expert, in more extreme situations, socially anxious persons may refuse important life events out of dread. Consider declining a promotion that requires more public speaking or refusing to attend your best friend's birthday because you don't want to socialize with strangers. Many others may also find these circumstances difficult or debilitating, but they manage to persevere. However, socially anxious persons could completely miss out on these possibilities.

Solution

How to get over your social anxiety

Social anxiety isn't a fixed personality feature, which is excellent news. You can learn to control it and eventually get better at it.

Simple techniques like deep breathing can help calm nerves in the moment, according to experts. However, Psychologist expert advises introducing yourself to these anxiety-inducing social environments gradually for longer-term results. That could entail gathering the bravery to attend a small housewarming party (as opposed to diving right into public speaking or a crowded networking event). The notion is that these situations grow less daunting the more you approach them in a way that seems manageable.

Psychologist expert also advises her patients to reframe any minor mishaps, such as a stammer, a spilled drink, or a poorly received joke. She claims that all too frequently, "we focus on all the mistakes on a date or a social interaction," neglecting the more enjoyable parts (such as that fellow foodie you only spoke to briefly or your stories that did make the crowd laugh). According to Psychologist expert , it's crucial to keep in mind that unavoidable errors or general awkwardness don't spoil the entire experience—or turn you into an incompetent, defective, or embarrassed person.

However, it's not always easy to make these modifications on your own. Every expert we spoke with agreed that seeing a therapist is the best course of action for more severe symptoms that match a clinical social anxiety disorder, such as major panic attacks or significant avoidance that prevents you from going to work and sustaining relationships. In a secure, encouraging environment, these experts can assist you in taking these tiny, customized steps. Because worry doesn't have to rule your life (or confidence), even though it can make first dates, business dinners, and even informal get-togethers into high-stakes situations.